one and seven dreams; part one (the Rube)

i’m bringin' a knife
to the biggest gun fight
of my life
and it’s all right
cuz if i
die tonight
at least i
tried to live this life right
2 use some of my gifts
and
treat my people right
in-spite the dirty way you looked at me,
u looked at me like
i was the underbelly of earthworms
was ist dat scheisse?!
i’m unworthy or sum such
guten tag, frauline, but you aint right
a beast like me might do u right
but
u want respect from thug niggaz
u want ballerz who share
and hard core street killers with
soul so fair
u want pretty boys 2 luv u, like these pretty niggas care
baby daddy’s to raise strong suns from behind prison cells
and somethin’ good to finally come from yo life in hell
can’t press rewind now, u did it to yo-self

...and now

u look-in’

at me?

cuz nerds pay bills
and

i might be a geek but I'm a strong black man

so, no thank u ma’am

cuz,
‘round the cornda'and up the block
we embraced struggles, cuz struggles was all we got
we kissed sacrifice on the lips, and grabbed it by the tits
cuz it’s about 2 get back twice what it made a gift
bend struggle over sofa’s and break the back of that b!+@#
4 them times when invisible foes lobbed thought grenades
then laughed as i battled demons in the hell hot blaze
and almost lost my pace,
but like that old time religeon,
i kept my faith
when zombie eyes peered, lifeless from shattered faces
dreams and hopes, forgotten; dried out and rotten
lost hope, lost days,
lost the will to stay
all work and small pay
all hope but no play
day, stacked
precariously
upon day, upon day, upon day
till they all the same
like channel zero n-side my head

...4 no smooth hips to crush close when nights was ice cold misery
no loving eyes
to search the sinister soul and find the good in me
no soft words when rage grew unstable, then exploded out
or the caress of a small soft voice proclaim without doubt
follow your dreams
all seven teen
it’s gon’ be okay, baby ...I got 'chu.
hell storm or whatever
cuz God put us two

two-gether.

so…
here i am with a knife
at the biggest gun fight
of my life

and if i die on broken dreams tonight
least i used some of my gifts
and tried to treat people nice
spite the
dirty way she done me that thursday night
turned her back, walked away and -took my light
yet my soul shines twice as bright.

(this one is dedicated to the Phoenix and the Dragon ...and me)